Zombie dilemma

"Bill....?"

"Yes Bob, what is it?" I asked while I gnawed on an arm. Or at least that was what I intended to say as my jaws crunched down on the forearm.

"... Are we.... are we evil?"

Oh geez, he we go again.

I stopped my chewing, sighed heavily and looked pleadingly towards Susan, but the daft git was gazing towards the setting sun while sucking marrow out of a femur. I knew she was pretending to not have heard the question, and if I pressed her she would just plead ignorance.

Why must I always get stuck with the newbie questions?

I gave up trying to palm this problem off to someone else and looked at Bob. He was the new guy to our horde so most of his flesh hadn't rotten away yet, and both of his eyes had managed to stay in their sockets. I felt a jealous pang as his dark brown hair fluttered in the wind and my hand unconsciously reached for the top of my head to gingerly touch the exposed brain.

The stupid git took that as a sign to continue. "I mean, when we were all.... Livies.... we didn't need to kill and eat each other. It was, like, in the Bible and the constitution and stuff. It was wrong. So why must we...."

I groaned loudly and stuck up my half-chewed hand to interrupt him. I placed the severed arm carefully on my lap so that Susan could not steal it away while I did the dirty work of answering inane questions.

"Mate, we're zombies. This is what zombies do. We hunger for the flesh of the Livies. Simple as that, mate." I gave him a knowing look, hoping that that would be the end of it and I could continue shredding the still warm carcass in front of us.

Bob gazed pensively towards the sunset. That should keep him occupied, I thought as I continued masticating on the bicep. My mind had wandered to which organ I should eat next when Bob suddenly turned towards me.

"So we have no souls? That we are not who we were when we were living? But then why do I remember? Why do I remember everything? And why am I not reviled by...... that", he shouted as he pointed towards the pile of flesh and bones.

"Because it's dinner," Susan helpfully replied, although it came out a garbled mess since she had a mouthful of toes.

I was suddenly self-concious of us as I noticed the stares from the rest of the horde. I could feel the disapproval from my fellow zombies as Bob made a scene. The oldest zombie, Rupert, was shaking his head and tuttering (well, I probably imagined the tuts as the old fellow didn't even have a tongue).

Susan gave me a look with the questioning eyebrow. Well, the eyebrow itself was chewed off long ago but the sentiment was easy to read. I just shrugged my shoulders, hoping the moment would pass so that I could eat in peace. Susan then leaned towards me and whispered, "You sired the bastard".

"Oh fuck off, I did no such thing! I was just the one who was nibbling on him when he re-animated!" I protested, but it seemed to have only made things worse. I could hear the disapproving mutterings around me as the horde gossiped about our outburst.

I rubbed the sudden tiredness from my eyes with the remains of my hands and then looked morosely towards Bob.

"Ok, mate, we're zombies. We were made to eat humans. Do you blame the tiger for eating the rabbit? Then why should we be judged for our natural appetities?"

Bill vigorously shook his head. "But we are smart enough to find other sources of food. We could become like vegans, and then Livies and zombies could live together ethically and peacefully!"

I let out a loud guffaw despite myself. The idea was ridiculous. "Zombie vegans?! Fuck me mate, that's the stupidest thing I've heard since Susan last opened her yapper. Who has ever heard of zombie vegans?"

Bill scowled, and jumped to his feet in a huff. "I'll show you! Being vegan is a perfectly valid life choice. I'll show all of you!". And with that, Bill spun on his heels and stormed away in the distance.

Susan took her eyes off the sunset and glanced towards me. "It would probably be a bad time to tell him that we are possibly eating the remains of his family and friends, right?"

I chuckled at that. "Well, we don't know that. We just found him here with the rest of them. For now, I just feel like nibbling on some liver."